and then everything fell apart all over and i didn't recognize a single color or sound. didn't know how this had happened. felt like shock? i don't know. it was absolutely happening. IS. is happening.

i want to use sweeping words like all and everything until they explode - the words.

want to use words like please and no. can't, they don't work anymore.

like walking off a roof. how could you do this to me? how could i have ever known you?

don't think i've ever hated someone until now.

is this what it's like to be an adult? have i grown up now? now that i'm hard and done?

we both did this, i guess. but i'll still blame just you.

[i feel like noting this entry isn't about cheryl. thank you.]