26.10 : 28.6

i don't remember how this originally started. i wanted to talk about how i'm always thinking of things. how it's never ever quiet in my head unless i'm listening to music. then the words just turn into feelings, so instead of thinking them i'm feeling them and i don't know which is more exhausting.

the first thing i did this morning was listen to a song about loving someone and that someone leaving. it's about more than that. it's about something entirely different, to me.

i'm mostly just waiting for the other side of december. if i can just get to the other side, i think everything will seem different. and maybe i won't look back, so it won't matter.

i'm going to write down all of the words that meant something to me and keep them even though you say not to.

i don't even remember this year except that it happened. i just woke up and it was october and who knows what time it was because everything looked the same.

i'm going to eat an avocado today and think about you. i think of you every time. i didn't even ask for this one - it was a surprise. and this time i'll think of you and someone else. that's also a surprise, though i guess not really.

not at all, actually.