4.13.10.01

remember when i just sat there in the grass with the other kids? no, you don't. you didn't know me then. there were lots of us. and i say 'kids' but i mean 'old teenagers,' which is exactly how i still feel, sometimes. we swallowed things and exhaled others and made eye contact when the lyrics were right.

surrounded by all of them and i felt so so alone. none of them were mine and i wasn't theirs. but i don't want to be someone's property.

but i mean this differently. but you already know that.

we listened to all of the music and the yelling and the whispering and the laughing. there were shirtless children across the dirt road. shirtless children scream and love like no one else ever can.

i was wearing that skirt because nothing else i had would've fit in there. i barely did. it's hard to sit comfortably in the grass while wearing that skirt. i probably didn't pull it off.

L wanted to have her palm read. i wish she had told her everything. palm readers know nothing. if they did, she would've told L that night. but she didn't. she didn't tell me anything either.

everything is absolutely nothing. that's dramatic. i'm full of so much.

i used to wonder what would stop me from being honest and sincere. i think maybe this.