draft from april 14, 8:34 p.m., originally titled "and now this, but later something else / the same":
oh fuck right. RIGHT. i just realized what i did wrong.
there's this matter of self-preservation that i hadn't taken into account. you did, though. how positive for you.
lots of things! so many things! you were right about this cd. you were right about a lot of things. you see me differently than i see myself, which is actually really interesting and important, i think. also all people see me differently than i see myself because i might not know who i am.
'incessant' sounds so terrible at first, but i decided to only acknowledge its literal definition, which isn't necessarily derogatory.
i feel like i'm coming to a SUSTAINABLE conclusion. like things are leading to something, and that something is a thing i can handle. or maybe i've just become completely unhinged and delusional. i mean, there's really no way to tell at this point. it's all felt so normal / abnormal for so long. who could pick now?
[eta: that feeling of sustainability has now passed. maybe it'll resurface?]
maybe the problem is in my ingrained notion that no one is like me. maybe a lot of people are like me. we're all such special special snowflakes, after all. maybe there are more of you.
[words and other emotions go here. you've heard them all before. right?]