fall cleaning

9.11 12:43am emailfrom: me to: [person] i want to smash [my face] somewhere and close my eyes and turn off my ears. i want to focus on [something repetitive].

it's almost time, [person]. it's almost been a year and i don't know that i'm ready. i'm afraid i'll fall away for weeks and months and wake up in march thinking, 'that was hard. jesus.' or something.

i wrote a thing. i think i should delete it. tell me if i should. idk, don't tell me anything. just hit [me].

9.11 12:54am email from: [person] to: me *smashhhhhh*

---

me: [something] riese: yeah i know me: you know you know so much i wish i knew nothing riese: me too me: i want to be a thing that is not what i am i want to be you you be me let's be each other i am so bored with me i am so bored with my feelings and my codependencies just ugh riese: i don't think you would want to be me either maybe you need new feelings or something me: i wish i could invent new feelings and eat them instead of food

---

-Doris 15