9.25

i have a photo of a woman - a stranger - her name is kate - wearing a dress with a bow and boots and she's holding an umbrella that's decorated with what looks like large poppies, but probably isn't? maybe cabbage roses? there's more - like the way her hair falls in her face and her glasses and THE LOOK she's giving. i can't even. the photo is black and white and small and i'm guessing it's from some time before 1955, though what the hell do i know. it's old. and i want to show you, but i'm consumed with the fact that if i never put her on the internet, she will always belong to just me. there's no copy of this photo. in a world where almost everything has been cataloged online and its credit stripped over time, this photo, "kate on the front walk," will always just be mine. CONSUMED. ----

i dreamed last night that i was grocery shopping with galileo. we were anticipating replacing the hardware on my bathroom sink. i wanted to tell you sooner but wasn't sure how to bring it up.

----

there are nine items arranged on top of the bookshelf in my bedroom and i only like / would keep two of them: the miniature tea set and the pink porcelain deer.

----

hello. everything has changed and yet i am still here, which means that not everything has changed. if i wrote it all down and made bulleted lists of events and feelings, that would certainly be a breach of some contract that i didn't sign but know well.

i wanted things to be a way. things are what they are. remember that: things are what they are. things will only ever be what they are. have and find and keep only what you really want. buying a dress because you plan to transform it into an interesting bag is only admirable if you don't mind that the bag will always be a dress, really. and that you will always be the one who brought it home with the express intent of changing it. you saw more for it, sure - it was just a dress. things are what they are, though. do dresses want to be bags? i don't know.

----

we're coming around to the time of life when things aren't going to sound as pretty as they did ten years ago.