this will feel overly dramatic in +/-10 hours

dreamed i had an avocado tattooed on my left arm.dreamed i was worried about the tree tattoo. woke up realizing that the tree tattoo doesn't happen until california. felt better. immediately felt like i would both get to california and never get to california. didn't want yesterday to end like that but it doesn't matter because control is something i gave away like paper. i can't even reclaim anything; it's trash. will need to just make it all again from scratch.

doing that.

want to tell you that i'm not something you'll want after you've secured me. so. just so you're aware. want to say that i'm not cut out for this. neither are you.

want to say that i'm not talking to / about you. you knew that.